Is he my ex boyfriend? or not?

had a promising year with someone I was to marry. my parents, after giving an ear to gossip, turned against him and made him go through some terrible things. I was away at the time and also went through hell. i came back and tried my best despite the scars and the humiliation but it seems not to work out. he holds me responsible for having shattered his life and not doing the "right thing". he's very hot-tempered and prone to hyper-tension so i had to cool the situation down all the time. but now, I'm also guilty of not protecting him to his liking and doing as if I didn't care! we have a very strange relationship now. it can happen that we sleep together but he says it difficult to see himself with me because he just can't forget and move on. to him, I'm as guilty as any other person. now, everything I do is subject to criticism and wrong interpretation. his words are very nasty but I think he feels it completely out of line for me to defend myself because he has suffered by "my" doing. I just don't understand anymore. I'm 29 with a 7yr old boy. I don't have the time or will to fall in love anyhow. I think I should fight for it to work because somewhere along the line he feels the way I do. but he holds grudges like...I've never seen someone like that in my life! and he links everything you say and never forgets. I'm a circumstantial speaker and forget about it when I've made my point. but he's my complete opposite. on one hand he seems to want it to work but has shifted his priorities to something else. and on the other hand, he says he's ready to advance with or without me. I know him better than I know myself. that's why I'm terrifyingly confused. If I decide to move on, because I want to get married and have a family, he will say that I used him. If I stay and wait, he will tell me not to keep my hopes up too much!! as complicated as he is, I know that the only reason why he still comes and visit is because somewhere, far behind his ego, he wants it to work. being the man that he is, his pride is taking a toll on him and pushes me away: though he thinks (i'm not sure if it's actually a joke) that I've always been anticipating my exit! complicated indeed!! but I'll sure take any kind of advice.